Look, I know it can be really, really hard to express yourself. It can twist you up inside. So do not mistake my confidence in you that you can do this with a disregard for how hard this can be. Especially at first. The good news is the more you express yourself the easier it gets. So now that you have taken the time to think about how you feel when something happens, the next step is to figure out what you want to do with that feeling. To be expressive or to not be expressive? That is the question.
The top reasons people do not express themselves:
- You do not want to hurt the other person’s feelings.
- You are scared of being hurt yourself.
- You think that it makes you weak.
- You don’t like to get heavy or deep.
- You do not come from an expressive family.
- You have never expressed yourself before so why start now?
- You are sure that you already know how the conversation is going to go, so why bother saying anything.
The top reasons to express yourself:
- The Tell: We always think that we are wearing an emotional invisibility cloak and that no one can tell how we are feeling. That is bubkas. They already know. the red face, hugging yourself, the steam coming out of your ears, the clipped tone, the weight in your shoulders are all telling the people around you how you feel. Take the guess work out of it. Just tell them.
- Hurt so good: Hurt is inevitable especially if we want someone to know us. We naturally are going to disagree with the people that we love sometimes. Each time we tell someone how we feel, we reveal a little piece of who we are. You are saying to that person I trust you with much more than just the fun and positive stuff about me.
- Positive correlation: The longer we hold something in that we feel intensely the larger it feels. The more you resist dealing with how you feel because you don’t want to get “heavy” or “deep” the heavier and deeper you make the situation feel. The more quickly we express something, the more open we are to discussing how we feel, the easier the situation is to manage.
- Start a revolution: If your family is not expressive, guess what? You are an adult. You can express yourself any way you want, you no longer have to follow their lead. You can be the teacher. Be a rebel, come on I dare you!
- Psychic: You are not. And even if you are your ability is not to be trusted when your emotions are running high. Listen, we never know for sure what is in someone else’s head or heart. People grow and change and they often surprise us when given the opportunity. This conversation could end differently than you think.
- Emotional Physics: Even if this conversation ends exactly the way you thought it would there is still something major that has changed. You! Just by expressing yourself you have changed the dynamic between you and this person forever.
So now you have the tools to decide what you want to do with that feeling. This is going to sound counter-intuitive but don’t spend too much time on it. You have read this article, given this feeling(s) the attention it deserves. Letting go and taking a break from this feeling, especially when we are unsure or confused, can really help us to decide what we want to do. So now you can let it go regardless of whether you expressed it or decided not to. Go have some fun! In my next blog we will cover expressing yourself 101, tips on how to get the best results when you decide to express yourself. For now remember, whatever you decide to do with this feeling, “this ain’t going to make or break your life!” Take it easy and have a great week!
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Psychobabble4u signing off:)
(c) Cori Grachek,: February, 2010
If you have any questions about therapy, are interested in therapy or just have a more private thought or question that you would like to share with me I can also be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org .
**This is not and can never be a replacement for therapy