It is important that you feel respect for your therapist. There are places that they will need to push you that you will not want to go. Times when you disagree with them and will need to confront them as you are learning to confront people in your life outside of therapy. It is equally important for therapists to respect their clients. I certainly do not like or agree with everything that my clients do, but I always enjoy, genuinely care for and respect them. This is the context in which therapy works.
Which leads us to the question: What type of therapist is going to be a match for you? Old, young, a peer, same ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation. How much experience would you like your therapist to have? All of these details are important . And this is not the time to be PC. You really have to ask yourself these questions and hear the answer from your gut. Make this about you and your needs not about how it might look or about pleasing others. When I think about matches for people I know. I go with my first thought which usually matches with my gut. You could try that and see what happens.
To accept insurance or not to accept insurance. I personally do not accept insurance. I have had bad experiences in which the involvement of an insurance company has added substantial and unnecessary stress to the client’s experience during a time of healing. There are some really great people working for insurance companies. I just haven’t run across them often. My sense is that they pay out as little as possible. People are making therapeutic decisions based on monetary issues: How many sessions should a particular diagnosis take to improve…etc. Often the people making these therapeutic decisions do not have any mental health training. Now that is not true for all insurance companies. Many companies do employ staff psychotherapists. I know quality therapists who do choose to accept insurance directly, working “in Network” with various insurance companies. I choose instead to work with clients who have insurance by having them pay directly. I provide them with a bill to send into the insurance company for reimbursement. This way they are able to use their insurance that they pay so dearly for and not have the insurance become directly involved in the therapeutic process.
Feedback is fundamental for a successful therapeutic relationship. Of course your therapist is supposed to give you feedback. It is also really important for you to give your therapist feedback about them, the process, things you like and were helpful. That you didn’t like and but were still helpful. Things you just did not like period. Things you might like more of such as: homework, choices of what to work on in the session, time at the end of session to regroup before leaving the office, summary at the end of or beginning of each session, etc. Therapist does not know all. I choose to practice from the Feminist Paradigm which says that the therapist is the expert on therapy and the client is the expert on themselves. The therapeutic relationship is comprised of both pieces. Gone are the days of the couch, lying down, the man, adding the occasional “Hmm, hmm” staring down his beard at you. At least in my office.
So there you have it. This about as much as I can tell you about therapy without you being in it. In my opinion we have always had therapists of a sort. They were the shamans, spirit guides, matchmakers, chiefs, grandfathers, grandmothers, great aunts, the consigliore. All of these people were in the role of providing counsel to others. As people within these communities gained distance both emotional and physical from each other, many of these roles that were integral to those communities became obsolete or nonexistent. Hence the rise of The Therapist, a person’s counsel you can seek within your present community.
We live in a world where there is great pain and great beauty. In therapy you learn to accept the pain as a part of the process of change. Change which inevitably leads to opportunity and then to some sort of beauty. Feeling more comfortable with change because of your increasing knowledge of it’s process. Finding joy and success. Setting your own pace in an urgent culture that would like to set it for you. Finding out what makes you sing and smile. Discovering your needs, which can be met by you and which need to be met by others. How to trust. How to like and love yourself. But ultimately, I think the most common denominators of healing are acknowledgement, acceptance, kindness and action. First with yourself and then with others.
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Psychobabble4u signing off:)
(c) Cori Grachek,: January, 2008
If you have any questions about therapy, are interested in therapy or just have a more private thought or question that you would like to share with me I can also be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org .
**This is not and can never be a replacement for therapy